At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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