Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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