so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
