You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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