nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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