i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
