i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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