so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up backwards on a recliner
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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