Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
