actually, I'm a sock model
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
