dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
