So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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