you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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