I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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