I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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