I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
