dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
