I need help removing her.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.