whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.