I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.