why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?