Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?