Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.