Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.