my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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