You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also, beer. Big fan.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
