guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
