There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
