OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
