I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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