you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
