dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
