I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
