i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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