I cockslap morals
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
