i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
