sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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