i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
