it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
