Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
