Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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