I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
