she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
