Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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