left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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