Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize