He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
