I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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