I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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