Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
