I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
