I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i out mim tonsoeep
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