I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
