peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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