i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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