tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
