So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
