margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
