i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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