i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
