I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
