i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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