Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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