If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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