Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
