U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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