You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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