I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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