I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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